church bulletin bloopers

A friend forwarded me this email of church bulletin bloopers.  I thought they were funny.  :)

    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

    ————————–

    The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon
    tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’

    ————————–

    Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale.. It’s a chance to get rid of
    those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

    ————————–

    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
    someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care
    much about you.

    ————————–

    Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

    ————————–

    Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving
    obvious pleasure to the congregation.

    ————————–

    For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a
    nursery downstairs.

    ————————–

    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
    help they can get.

    ————————–

    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
    church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

    ————————–

    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
    Music will follow.

    ————————–

    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is
    Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice

    ————————–

    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
    several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

    ————————–

    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
    recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

    ————————–

    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
    person you want remembered.

    ————————–

    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment
    and gracious hostility.

    ————————–

    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

    ————————–

    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
    may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

    ————————–

    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
    from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

    ————————–

    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
    ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S.
    is done.

    ————————–

    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation
    would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
    Sunday.

    ————————–

    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
    the back door.

    ————————-

    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the
    Church basement Friday at 7 PM.. The congregation is invited to
    attend this tragedy.

    ————————–

    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
    Please use large double door at the side entrance.

    ————————–

    The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan
    last Sunday:

    “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours”.